Cashing In

Everyone loves a newborn.


Sorry, everyone loves a newborn except Brother Chris. After asking if he would help in babysitting duties, he replied in all seriousness, “I’ll keep It alive but I won’t be giving It the attention It wants.”

Mind you, if “It” was a baby of any other member of the animal kingdom -bird, possum, green tree frog – Brother Chris would be all over it. He would be caring for it, nurturing it, reading it books if he could, feeding it his own human milk if it was genetically possible. But human babies? Pretty much hates them. (Did you know that human babies are the only type of monkies whose babies cry? Every other monkey baby is quiet. Out in the wild, they wouldn’t survive a day. They’d be eaten by predators for sure.) Thanks Brother Chris. Translation: How crap are human babies? Pathetic creatures. Got nothing going for them. Can’t even fend for themselves.

I guess that’s a no to the babysitting.



Anyway, back to the story.

Everyone loves a newborn because, since having one in my possession, I now cannot enter any public space without being swarmed on, fretted over and smiled at. I cannot go anywhere without the following being said: “Oh, how CUUUUUTE!” Thanks. “Girl or a boy?” Girl. “How old is she?” 4 weeks.  “What’s her name?” Ella. “Oh, she’s just ADORABLE! Kym! Come over here and have a look! It’s a newborn. Girl. 4 weeks. Name is Ella.” Kym comes over. “Oh she’s so cuuuute!”


Everyone loves a newborn.


And it’s true, they are cute. Even the ones that aren’t, are. The fact that they are innocent and miniature makes them cute. The toes, the fingernails, the little lips, people go crazy for them. Clearly.


Newborns bring families together. They unite strangers in shops. They join us in the global experience that is Parenthood. They are hard work. They can make you spill right open with tears of frustration. They open the deepest parts of your heart. They evoke in you a fierce and fiery protectiveness that could do some unspeakable damage if threatened. They can bring you the greatest highs and lows of your life.



Last week, I ducked into a coffee shop to get a take away coffee. As per usual, the staff swarmed on me with The Questions. To be honest, I was getting a little over the gushing and attention, however what happened that day changed things for me. Ella was looking particularly cute. She was dressed in her best summery outfit (we were at the beach after all) with a cute white headband which brought out her massive blue eyes. As I went to pay for my coffee, Mr Coffee Maker said, “No need, this one’s on me.” I was shocked. The staff then chorused after me, “You ladies have a good day!” as we left the cafe.

A few days later, I was queuing in a very long and painful line. As annoying as it was to stand there, I didn’t mind. It’s not like I had anywhere to be. Ella was strapped in a sling on the front of my body, fast asleep. Soon, the people in the line caught sight of her, smiled, gushed and looked at me as if to say, “Oh Bless. Angels aren’t they? Angels.” Then, one by one, they let me in front of them in the very long and painful line. I was now at The Front, proud as punch, and VERY pleased with my EXCELLENT realization.

Everyone loves a newborn.



And just between you and me, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to capitalize on this little fact.

Now, everywhere I go, I make sure she’s EXTRA cute.

Joel: She’s not a toy, Rachel.

Me: Are you up at 3 am feeding her? No? Didn’t think so mate. Let me cash in where I can Buddy. Jeez.

Ella is now officially my Best Accessory.

Joel: What is she wearing? Rachel, what IS that?

Me: I’m going out. That’s all you need to know.



The people in The Line don’t know about the screaming matches. The people in The Line don’t know about the VERY un-cute nature of her afternoon moods.

As long as I dress her up in a cute little headband, a snug little beanie, a cutesy little outfit, the people in The Line won’t suspect a thing.

2 Responses to “Cashing In”

  1. Mel DYETT

    Exquisite piece of writing on a wonderful topic. Keep it up Rachel and Ella. we want to hear more of your adventures.

  2. Dan Hughes

    Love your work Rach, always looking forward to your next blog 🙂


Leave a Reply to Mel DYETT Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: