Laugh And/Or Cry

Hours, friends. Hours.

It never stops.

For the better part of it, the hours fly and I find myself on the couch at 7pm with a beer in my hand congratulating myself on a day well done. We got through relatively unscathed. I didn’t have to swear all day. We laughed and cooed and played and LOVED each other. ALL DAY. Success! Motherhood is awesome!

For the worser part of it, i.e. THIS WEEK, I still find myself on the couch at 7pm with a beer in my hand, but the atmosphere is a teensy bit different.


I laugh now when I remember what Joel and I said before Ella came. Baby Rule Number 1: The baby revolves around us and not the other way around.  



What were we thinking would happen? That we’d just chuck Baby under our arms and off we go? That Baby would come out asking permission to interrupt what we were doing? That Baby would wait its turn? That Baby would tuck itself into bed and put itself to sleep?

Spending a good chunk of the afternoon listening to this one particular song on repeat because it’s the only thing that will stop Ella crying, plucking grapes from the kitchen bowl and eating them because I’m starving and if I put her down she will howl even louder, fantasizing about doing the grocery shopping as though it’s some kind of vacation, forfeiting coffee dates and dinners and art exhibitions because it’s just too STRESSFUL going out, and I realize I’m in a seriously different world. Now, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at how very much it does NOT revolve around me, around us. Now, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at how naive we were. Now, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at how much of me has been put on hold UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

My lovely friend Lisa says: Rachel, laugh AND cry, my dear. Laugh AND cry.

So I am.

2 Responses to “Laugh And/Or Cry”

  1. Oma

    you have to remember it is all only temporary. this moment, of this time. Not forever….not even remotely so. and the time will fly so quickly it will soon be over and you’ll have forgotten what all that was about


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