Truth be told, I think I’m a Mother’s Group snob.
It’s just that I haven’t been able to bring myself to join one and I think it’s time I sat myself down and asked myself why.
I’ve come to realize that I think it’s because big groups of women scare me. Big groups of women, to me, spell out contention and hidden judgement, where we use each other as measuring sticks instead of as assets. And, friends, I try my very hardest to Keep Things Real at all times. To avoid perfectionism. To offer openness instead of social together-ness. I select friends carefully, and my bonds with other women usually begins when the women before me either swears or admits something truthful about herself.
Preferably both at the same time.
I like to get to the core of people, where we cut through the crap and admit that we’re all really just the same on the inside, so in a group setting with lots of women and lots of babies getting paraded around, I think I think that there will NOT be a lot of core-getting going on. I instead think there will be a lot of “Oh, Ella can’t roll yet? Rebecca was rolling by 3 months” and “Oh, Ella can’t speak another language while dressing herself and doing algebra equations? Tim was doing that by 4 weeks.”
I know, I know, I’m exaggerating and swinging slightly on the negative side.
I’m not saying it’s the truth. I’m just saying it’s how I feel.
Joel tells me that I shouldn’t judge something until I’ve gone and tried it and, of course, he’s right.
Although I’d never tell him so.
He then tells me that if I don’t like it, at least I can write about my experiences in the blog.
He can read me like a book, that one, so friends, I think I’m going to join a mother’s group. As in a group full of strangers who are also women and who are also mothers. I’m officially taking the plunge.
I do realize that my resistance to joining one probably has more to do with my own insecurities and judgements rather than the other women themselves. Which brings me to the obvious realization that things can never change unless we ourselves change. And since I spend all day going on and on about the red tent and sisterhood and community and yet never step a foot near one in real life, I thought it was a bit fraudulent of me.
I’m not expecting to make a new “best friends forever circle”, since there will always be people and women and mothers with whom I will not click with. That’s just life. But I can’t avoid experiences just because I want to avoid these people. And maybe, just maybe, by offering myself up in the open and truthful way I like to, I might just give others permission to do the same.
And wouldn’t that be nice.