The Mother’s Group

Truth be told, I think I’m a Mother’s Group snob.


It’s just that I haven’t been able to bring myself to join one and I think it’s time I sat myself down and asked myself why.


I’ve come to realize that I think it’s because big groups of women scare me. Big groups of women, to me, spell out contention and hidden judgement, where we use each other as measuring sticks instead of as assets. And, friends, I try my very hardest to Keep Things Real at all times. To avoid perfectionism. To offer openness instead of social together-ness. I select friends carefully, and my bonds with other women usually begins when the women before me either swears or admits something truthful about herself.


Preferably both at the same time.


I like to get to the core of people, where we cut through the crap and admit that we’re all really just the same on the inside, so in a group setting with lots of women and lots of babies getting paraded around, I think I think that there will NOT be a lot of core-getting going on.  I instead think there will be a lot of “Oh, Ella can’t roll yet? Rebecca was rolling by 3 months” and “Oh, Ella can’t speak another language while dressing herself and doing algebra equations? Tim was doing that by 4 weeks.


I know, I know, I’m exaggerating and swinging slightly on the negative side.

I’m not saying it’s the truth. I’m just saying it’s how I feel.


Joel tells me that I shouldn’t judge something until I’ve gone and tried it and, of course, he’s right.

Although I’d never tell him so.


He then tells me that if I don’t like it, at least I can write about my experiences in the blog.

He can read me like a book, that one, so friends, I think I’m going to join a mother’s group. As in a group full of strangers who are also women and who are also mothers. I’m officially taking the plunge.


I do realize that my resistance to joining one probably has more to do with my own insecurities and judgements rather than the other women themselves. Which brings me to the obvious realization that things can never change unless we ourselves change. And since I spend all day going on and on about the red tent and sisterhood and community and yet never step a foot near one in real life, I thought it was a bit fraudulent of me.


I’m not expecting to make a new “best friends forever circle”, since there will always be people and women and mothers with whom I will not click with. That’s just life. But I can’t avoid experiences just because I want to avoid these people. And maybe, just maybe, by offering myself up in the open and truthful way I like to, I might just give others permission to do the same.


And wouldn’t that be nice.


14 Responses to “The Mother’s Group”

  1. lorajbanks

    Good for you! I feel the same way, but could totally stand to widen my circle of friends (to include more than one non-relative). Maybe I’ll see you there!

    • rachwiley

      I have very mixed feelings but, being one of the first in my group of friends to have a baby…I’m starting to see the value in joining one. Fingers crossed. I also might just go back to work 🙂

  2. Tanya

    Attend a new mothers group like you would a blind date. Going once doesn’t mean you’re getting married, if it doesn’t fit, go on a date with a different mothers group, you may have to kiss a few before you find one that you’d like to spend a little time with. I am a former mothers group snob, I am reformed. I even host one on a Friday morning if you ever find yourself in the neighborhood!

    • rachwiley

      Really? I will definitely keep that in mind. If my local one doesn’t work out, I would DEFINITELY like to come along to yours.

      • Tanya

        You could always just come back to work! Ahp is having a huge facelift and today we increased the size of the room that is still referred to as ‘Rachel’s room’

      • rachwiley

        That’s so sweet. I’d want to bring her along with me though. I’m a bit “attached”, you see. I’m told it won’t last forever though 🙂

  3. coffeepoweredmom

    Amen! I’m really open with my friends because I like truth and honesty, but then I get so scared that other mothers won’t be able to relate to me, or open up and then I don’t want to. The end.

    • rachwiley

      Me too. All we can do is try though I guess! I’m going to my first “group” tomorrow so fingers crossed I find at least one mumma who is open and honest!


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