With T-minus-three-something-weeks to go, we are using this time off we have together to tie up loose ends and make room for our baby. We’re calm, but there is a definite charge in the air as we make ‘Things To Do Before Baby Comes’ lists. Things we haven’t gotten around to doing until now. Like : 3. Borrow car capsule from Tracy and Josh. You know, kind of important things.
It’s a Holy Shit Is This Really Happening? charge, but underneath….underneath there is an exhilaration so fierce it can reduce me to tears. Renae will be at his birth as an extra support person and when we get together to talk about it, I can barely speak. She asks me what things I will want her to do and my answers come out in choked squeaks, because the minute I imagine it, the day I feel that first cramping, the second I realize labour is beggining…the minute I begin to put myself in my future self’s shoes where it’s actually real and happening, well, I just sort of cry. I relive Ella’s birth…that unearthly day forever etched into my soul and I’m absolutely floored speechless that I am blessed enough to welcome another baby into my waiting arms. Euphoria completely takes over my heart. And words aren’t easy to come by.
This time around, I am much more aware of the window that’s slowly closing. And so I am consciously savoring the constant movement within, meticulously memorizing the curved silhouette of my body, purposefully adding to the ritual of welcoming him with things I didn’t do so much with Ella. Like burning candles in his room at night while I sit in his nursing chair, dreaming. Like a file full of photos of the life he’s shared with me inside my body. Like planning extra details of his birth to make it all the more rich and sacred and meaningful.
I’m beginning to imagine what it will feel like to have him here. The weight of his swaddled body in our arms, the fingers so tiny, wrapped around ours. The moment my daughter meets him. I’m preparing.
With preparations for a second baby, I’m much more laid back this time. I know he’s set up for at least the first year simply because I have boobs.
But the room? There’s something about the baby room to me. It’s a place I can walk into that last month of pregnancy, sit down with my coffee and look around at the details that say “We’re waiting for you.” It’s a place that holds so much hope, so much joy, so much anticipation, and it makes me feel close to him somehow, those ten minutes I spend in there each morning, sipping my coffee, feeling my feels.
Although he’ll snuggle in our room first for a while, Baby owns the rights to the room down the hall and because he’d totally want to show you, these are his new digs:
My favorite things about this room:
* Most of the items in this room are switched out from other areas of our home or were recycled from Ella’s babyhood. The rest was found inexpensively at thrift stores, on eBay or from Etsy, like the photo frames, mirrors and cupboards. I love upcycling things myself because it feels like each piece has a story to tell, some heart behind it. I love that Joel made the thick frame for the long rectangular mirror himself. I love that chest of drawers and painting it the perfect shade of wood fox ourselves. It feels more meaningful.
* His frame wall — namely, art. Includes Ella’s drawings, a handmade heart by the beautiful Caitlin, a sentimental spoon given to me by a friend, a blank frame waiting for his first photo, and some favourite quotes. Frames were purchased from Vinnies.
* The rug, bought new for $50. It’s made out of recycled plastic so it’s completely baby and toddler friendly, it looks good and it feels really clean beneath my toes.
* Felt bunting. It took 15 minutes to make, cost me all of a few dollars, and all that was needed was felt, twine and a hot glue gun. It makes me happy every time I look at it.
You know, I actually love everything about this room. The window near the nursing chair, drenched in sunlight at the right hour. The candle on the windowsill my friend Tanya made from an old Beatrix Potter jar, and which I light from time to time because I’m a little on the ceremonial side. The tiny bassinet and its cozy quilt and the drape of material to make Baby feel safe and secure. The fairy lights on the mirror, so pretty at night. The teeny tiny clothes stored in the cupboards and drawers, and the anticipation of the baby they are all for.
And since I’m never one to do things by halves, I kind of accidentally revamped Ella’s room, too.
Hoping your 2014 is off to a shining start. Here’s to the excitement of potential.