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The Three-Month Haze

Not many words tonight. The three-month newborn haze has hit early. Adrenaline hormones are starting to wane and the nine weeks I’ve had of broken sleep is starting to make my brain feel like it has pockets of air in it. All mental sharpness has left the building. I’m stuck with a butter knife for a brain. People tell me my mind will never be the same again. I believe them.

This is what I think when Joel starts talking to me: Make it stop. For the love of all things holy dude, I cannot follow a single word of what you’re saying. Please just make it stop.

Even when I want him to talk – when I ask him a question – he answers, but it’s like his words hit mud. His mouth moves, yes, I can see it moving but whatever he’s saying just sinks under water, and I start wondering if maybe I should go to the chemist and buy some more red nail polish. And then I remember I need to ask Joel something. But he’s busy talking so I tune out and think that I would really like to learn how to knit one of these days.

I’m more scattered than the bowling pins in a strike.

Still. Photos. Photos I can do. All photography requires of me is adjusting a few dials, finding good light and looking at a moment a little more closely. It’s more layered than linear. And linear is so not doable in my brain right now.

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I know I’ve expressed my love of photography many times before, so I won’t dribble on, but I will reiterate my belief that it is one of the best tools I have for feeling gratitude for my life. Every single night after my kids go to bed, I look at photos I’ve taken of them over that day. Mostly, I’m shocked by the things I see because as far as I remembered, we woke up and then it was kind of lunch-ish time and then I dealt with a few tantrums and then it got dark, right? And wine! Is it time for wine yet?

It’s really nice to see what we actually did that day.

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And it’s also really nice to step back and linger in moments for longer than they happened. I then try and give my brain a mental slap across the face as if to say, Snap out of it! Pay attention! Look at all this beauty!

My brain vows to try a little harder tomorrow.

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Also, I had to tell you: Joel and Ella both stripped off and went swimming in those creek pools, ending with Joel getting a leech buried into his butt and me having to pull the little bugger out. Except that he wasn’t little at all and I kept shrieking because it was all just so gross. Ella thought it was hilarious. She’s been saying, “Daddy. Leaf. Butt.” then laughing ever since.

Happy Friday, friends. Holy smokes these Fridays come around quick. Leaving you with a quick Friday Photo Dump (@theredtent if you want to follow the Instagram feed). I’ve got some wine to try and find.

xo

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See you back here Monday!

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