Doing a little Right Now post today. Come settle in. Take off your shoes. Life is hard, you guys.
Except for these two.
These two have THE life.
“Mum, can we do the cucumbers?”.
I have never seen them lie so still in all my life.
Making : A huge 3-canvas old map of Brisbane present for my brother. He sent me a text with a picture and a “Make me this for my birthday.” I don’t know, is having sisters better? You can at least borrow their cute shoes, right?
Cooking : Staaaaacks of cold weather comfort food — roasts, risotto, veggie lasagna, pumpkin soup, with plans for a pumpkin pie this weekend. I put it off each autumn because honestly, pumpkin in a dessert does not sound that appealing, but I keep hearing how good it is and so I’m going to dive elbow deep into flour on Sunday and try it out because I’m brave and strong.
Drinking : Merlot, double shot cappuccinos, some Nutribullet juice Joel makes us all in the morning which tastes like grass but I’m sure is good for me.
Reading : I’m in a book rut right now. What’s good?
Wanting : A new camera lens. Always.
Looking : On iTunes to get my hands on Parenthood because all I hear about it is OH MY GOD OH MY GOD and you know – FOMO.
Playing : Endless shops with my boy and his pumpkin stand.
Wasting : Money on a new Mac (don’t talk to me about it).
Wishing : Billy was a good sleeper. Lord have mercy, you really sent me a curveball with that one.
Enjoying : Autumn days. The warm sun, the chilly mornings, the best, the best, the best.
Waiting : To move. We’re in the one month countdown.
Liking : Having a four year old. Such an easy, fun, still-little age!
Wondering : If I should venture a little further into videography.
Loving : My job.
Hoping : Billy sleeps soon.
Marvelling : At what could be in ‘Earthpaste’ – the new toothpaste Joel brought home. I don’t like my chances with a name like that. Who is in charge of these people’s marketing?
Needing : To go to the gym more.
Smelling : Old food that’s probably shrivelled up somewhere. Praise the day I get to live in a calm, clean, gorgeous home again. Like, when the kids move out.
Wearing : Grey long-sleeved dress with black Salts.
Following : People who are more creative than me.
Noticing : How chipped off my nail polish is and if I can get away with not removing it just one more day.
Knowing : There is a lot of work ahead of us this next month.
Thinking : I’d like to curl up in bed and watch Parenthood alllllllll day. Those days are gone, my friends. But still, I get to be a mum now so: happy.
Feeling : Really good about my marriage right now. It ebbs and flows, always, and I’m sure by next week I’ll want a divorce over his beard trimmings all over the bathroom I just cleaned, but for now we’re good.
Bookmarking : DIY 3-canvas map.
Listening : To the sweet sound of silence. Both kids have school days on Friday. It’s lovely — for them, for me.
Articles I loved this week.
Keeping kids safe from unsafe people: With a great picture resource to help your kids recognise their body signals which tells them they are not feeling safe.
Raising The Bully: Great little piece on what a mum did to stop her girl from being the bully at school.
Pe-Tish-ion: From the always brilliant Glennon Doyle Melton about raising girls in a world that plays them against each other, sends wrong messages about beauty and keeps them full of insecurity. Favourite line: “And that’s what I want. I want girls who are angry instead of sick.”
And loving this snippet from Nicole Jankowski:
She will do amazing things, while you are worrying away the time. While you are cutting away the crusts. She will grow milk teeth and then grown-up ones. Someone named Mrs. Bastien will teach her cursive and make her learn which is the left hand and which is the right. She will save worms from baking on the sidewalk, in the sun. She will love the things that you hate and hate the things that you love, and you will drive each other mad — all before she learns to drive.
You will do amazing things, too. You will learn to need less: less sleep, less care, less time. You will give more. You will learn to tell the difference between “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the recorder, but it will hurt. You will not say things that you would almost always have said, just to keep the peace. What hard strength there is, in the measurement of unsaid words. You will be in a hurry, to get to the better times, when the times are worn and exhausting. Then you will hold your breath and wish it would all just stop spinning, when you realize how quickly 5 years old became 10 and then 10 years old became 15.
You will cut your own teeth, sharply, on the mothering of this first child. You will do the worst job, this first time. But it will be the purest experience, the one that lives forever in your gut. The one that makes you homesick, always, for the time when she did not know anything but you and it was all so very new and unfiltered.
It will be wonderful and terrible, heartbreaking and tumultuous. You will hate it sometimes and you will love it. You will stand nearby and watch her figure out the balance of things, with the eye of someone simultaneously so invested and so incredibly powerless. It will hurt you more than she can know.
Do not tell her how much it hurts.
One day you will be counting her fingers and her toes, and the next you will see her looking off into some foggy distance, and she will be smiling.
And that will be the first time you realize that she is counting the days until she leaves you, for her first adventure, all alone. That you have only minutes now, it seems, until she leaves the house for the last time, with her bedroom door wide open. That there are only fleeting ribbons of days and wispy years, until the last time she goes.
Pass me the tissues already someone. Something in my eye. SOMETHING IN MY EYE.
Happy Friday, fellow troopers. Life is tough, but we are tougher.